just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
