it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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