your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
