Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
