We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
