It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
