I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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