I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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