According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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