One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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