Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
