maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
