is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
