Porn is love you can see.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
