Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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