im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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