Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
