May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
