both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
