Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize