You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
