He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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