I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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