literally had 100 drinks last night.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
