he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I think i got beer on your cat.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
