I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
