Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
