And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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