Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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