god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
