we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
