What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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