Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
