I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
They are going to name an STD after you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
