He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
