He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
