This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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