If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Vodka?
Forever.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
