people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
