Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
