So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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