Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
