i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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