I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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