Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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