Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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