Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
