My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
