I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
