i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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