wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
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