I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
