Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
